you're a mystery yourself

28 September, 2008

7:30 PM

I realised that one of the things ppl get hurt for, is bcuz we actually MIND WHAT OTHER PPL THINK, OR SAY ABT US. We can deny, and run from this truth, but rly...this does affect us a lot more than we may know (for the majority). As a result, we may feel upset and would brood over it, cuz it's tough to let go. Nobody said it was going to be easy :(

I think i've been overly concerned abt the misunderstandings that others sometimes hv of me, that i forgot that hey, i ought to find the root of the problem. I shldn't be disturbed abt the other factors, cuz solving the problem is the goal to resolve disputes, and also the goal of being happy once again.

1) I shld'nt try untying the little knots of the rope of problems, cuz i'll nvr know, the knots might just grow more complicated and hard to untangle! I shld just cut the rope (:

2) I gotta keep in mind that, ATTITUDE is the factor that can make the difference between damaging my relationship and deepening it.

3) I have to be more concerned with my character than my reputation, because my character is what i really am, while my reputation is merely what others think i am (:

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PS. Correction for 22nd Sept's post: I want to be loved for who i am, than hated for who i'm not. And i'll rather be hated for who i am, than loved for who i'm not.

Sorry i can't bring you happiness, i've tried my very best.
But i hope you're happy with other things in life, though there may be a lot of tests.
You go as and when you have to, now that your schedule's pretty tight,
So I don't get to see you until after many long nights.
There are lots of things i want to say to you, but still, i get tongue-tied.
But i've to tell you that: don't give up without a fight.
You've hurt me by your very words before, because you had no faith in me.
Yet there are times you give me hope, by cheering me on, you see.
I really don't know what you're thinking sometimes - you make me so confused..
At the end of the day, I don't comprehend why, but i still love you..

-.-

♥ loves.

7:13 PM

I'm so pissed with my bro. From i can't rmb when, he's been saying "you suck", "you noob" to me. He rly has nth else better to say. Him acting so childish is psychoing me to believe in his words. Ugh. MIND CONTROL. I'm starting to feel that way. A few mins ago, he told me my English sucks, but hey, i've improved, even without the help of storybooks! If he's so good, he should get straight As for English. Tsk. Just bcuz i don't read as much as an average human does, doesn't mean i'll do badly for language.

Mentioning abt books...i got to know that Bernice hates books just as much as i do, unless i come across some interesting ones which are introduced to me!! (: I think she and i hv quite a lot in common. Lol. The way she thinks is kinda like mine, and she detests Lit too!!! We haven't read the whole of TKAM yet, sad to say. But i gotta do it quick since O lvls are up in a few weeks :(

Cheryl wasn't around in schl for 2 days i think, so i mostly tagged along with Shiying and Bernice. Came to know life much more...a very intriguing topic, especially on Hypocrisy - it was one of the choices for our English compo homework, which i didn't understand UNTIL they gave me examples. I got to view life from another perspective, and my friends' current problems has helped me to analyse, think more, and gain new insight. Haha, it's so cool actually. I came up with a lot of analogy associated with the things around us. And i coined a quote! Don't know if someone else has alr came out with that, but here. It does make sense (:

Life could be made simple but not simpler.

Meaning, depending on how you view things, or your attitude to it - be it positive or negative, you can make things simple. You're making it easier for yourself in a way. However, life is difficult as it is, and you can't run away from life's obstacles. It's tough, so it can't be anymore simpler.

That's what i think, hoho.

♥ loves.

8:37 PM

Don't think that if you know how i look like,
Where i come from,
Who are my friends,
What are my likes, dislikes,
Have watched me laugh, cry
Talked to me,
Loved me,
Understood me,
that you know who i really am.

I'll be myself, but afterall, i'll rather be loved for who i am, than hated for who i'm not.

I'll tolerate whatever false accusations people hv of me. If i could, i would stand up for myself, but if i figure that conflicts might aroused as a result, i'd prefer keeping this to myself, and not worsen the matter. Knowing in my heart is sufficient enough.

I will stay strong.
I must stay strong.

Thank you Shiying and Cheryl for standing by me... (:

♥ loves.

5:05 PM

We hv been going thru the prelimary exam scripts these few days till 2, then sometimes we'll hv to stay back till 'bout 4 for intensive revision. I'll come back feeling extremely worn out, but i'll prolly find smth to do on the comp. to relax a bit. I think i've been eating too much lately, AND DRINKING TOO MUCH VITASOY. Hahahahaha ohno. (At first was milo, then milk, and now?!)

Rmb i said that my prelims Science prac was quite okay cuz i didn't put myself under pressure? I got back the results and they were the worst results i ever got in the history of my Science practicals. *Punches Physics and Chem* I guess i better put myself under great pressure to score better during Os -.- If i could get my normal marks for prac, and bring the right equipments for Physics paper, i think i might be able to do much better!

I received my SS paper today. Bad would be an understatement. It was TRAGIC. I got a 6/50?! The worse results i got for SS!! Know why? Cuz i didn't study at all. I didn't actually want to study... and i concentrated on Maths, so i flunk. I put in a lot of effort for Geog, tho. Too bad it's combined with SS, or i could've passed my combine Humanities :( After this round of Lit...i became more approving of it, but it's also after this that make my detest SS further. ONe of the teachers told us that subjects like SS and Lit requires a lot of thinking and evaluation. So i asked Shiying "I don't like SS and Lit, sooo...i hate thinking?" Lol. That is so wrong...! Ahhhh I ought to buck uppp! They're affecting my marks so badly.

While SS was the subject i put in the least effort, i think Maths was the subj, i placed in the most effort. Haha. Although Maths paper 2 was after the wk holiday, i admit i didn't do Maths during that wk at all except for during tuition... but i still got a lot higher than paper 1 which i spent more time and hard work on. Tskk. (My Maths teacher said i was progressing well! Hehe, me happy.)I had high hopes for Physics, so i was baffled by the results. That's one of the subj, besides Chem, that i didn't improve any bit. However, I'm utterly delighted abt my English compo marks!!! HAHAHAHA. If only i had the time, i could perfect it (: But i'm so glad with a 20! WHOO.

What to do when you're bored? Facebook QUIZZES!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

What kind of thinker are you?
Normal Thinker!
A normal thinker has a clear-cut, uncomplicated way of thinking. If you need good advice, a normal thinker should be your first choice. Their clear thoughts (as compared to other thinkers) make them good at reasoning. Excellent leaders and excellent friends, normal thinkers good to have around.

Haha. So true :X
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What is your true personality?
Just Right
You're perfect, stay just the way you are!!! Don't change a thing!!!

Yay, haha. Jussstttt right.
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What school subject are you?
English
You are English. You are extremely creative and you love writing and reading. People think you are a very kind and caring person.
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Pulled Person
You are easily pulled by others. You believe them even though you might not be sure. People can talk you into things very quickly. -Try to stand up for your self pal!

If i'm not going to stand up for myself, who's going to stand up for me? (:
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What is love to you?
love is your whole life
you care about your love more than anything

Woe. Woeeee.

Ta-da!

♥ loves.

4:47 PM

I PASSED MY CHINESE!

I'm 1 of the 4 out of a hundred and nine retaking Chinese Os to improve! Yay yay! That's the first step, but i just gotta improve further. They say this paper was tougher than Chinese Os but then how in the world was i able to get a mark higher than my Cheena Os?! I saw one my classmates' marks...can't rmb who, but she got 64/100! A SIXTY FOUR. I'm more than a 1000 miles far from that. Ahh, Chinese just broke my heart. It's incomprehensible how i tried loving her, especially attending to her with the little time i had, that she had not a trace of conscience left to stop herself from killing me. How cruel. And ever since, it's hard so me to pick myself back up...to love her again after what she's done to me. How could i withstand a glimpse at her, not to mention studying her? It sucks.

Well, of course i'm glad i finally passed, but i hope to get a B3 for Os! At the leastttt. No point rejoicing now.

I also received my Maths paper today, and i was saying 'stoopid stoopid' as i turned the pages. I made so many silly mistakes! Some of them are like, if you did (a) wrongly, you carry the error down. That qn costed me abt 8 to 9 marks? AND THEY ALL WENT DOWN THE DRAIN. Sobs. Another one...i ADDED incorrectly. 6 + 24 = 20?! Pfft. -.- I shld've prayed before doing the Maths paper!

Ytd, i got back Chem paper. I got exactly the same marks as last term's. No improvement still :(
BUTBUT the good news is, i improved for Chinese and Maths! I hope i could jump higher to get an 'A' for Maths y'know. If T can, why can't i? If A1 and 2 peepos can, why can't i?

I wanna get at least a C for Physics too, so i can pass my Sciences! I can only wish...

♥ loves.

8:39 PM

(Edited!)
SHIYING CALLED ME A PURE WEIRDO :(
And me being petty, shall not entertain her anymore. Hmphhs.

She totally ruined my reputation... (not that i hv one, but still!) How could she!

SadgkHKjfhdsvm.

Okay, i shall move on to what i intend to post abt. Ytd, Karmen and i went to Hougang Mall. She didn't try 'Cafe Cartel' before so i suggested we go thr (plus, i wanted to eat my Dory too). We sat down and she flipped thru the pages, not knowing what to order, while i ws comparing prices with 'Hans'. In the end, we decided to lunch at Hans instead cuz they don't include a Service charge/GST of $2!

It was kinda funny going in Cafe Cartel, looking thru the menu for quite some time, then leaving without placing an order, but we did anw. At Hans, I ATE NEMO'S FRIEND, Dory, and she had spagetti with salmon. I think the whole time, we were talking abt my two cousins, mostly. Lol. And also abt the person who once loved me, who was from her schl (Now, he's more interested in computer gaming than dating. Major big LOL).

Right after which, we checked out all the clothes/bag/shoes/accessories shop in Hougang Mall. I rly felt tempted to buy a red tank top for Hang Ten. It's so simple but me likey. It's so hard to find tank tops, and i hv a sudden love for them. Tell me if you see tank tops around town, k? Pweease? Janel would be exceptionally grateful (: I duno what's up with me using third person to mean myself, heh.

ANW, i was rly happy window shopping, tho i miss some of the bags i saw. Then Karmen and i saw some tops imported from Korea and China. The owners were selling 1 at $18 and 2 at $30! I think it's SUPER ex., but Karmen felt okay with it. Hahaha. When she saw the 'London' bus shirt for promotion of the next Olympics, she FELL IN LOVE IN IT. She did look at other designs, but in the end, she still bought her first love. Haha. She had quite a hard time choosing btwn yellow or green for the backgrd tho... and me, OMGGG....you could just faint right thr and then -.- Bcuz of me, i think we spent abt 30-45 mins at the small stall. Yea. WOW.

At first i was like so cute so cute! Hahahaha! I think i liked the one with the monkey pic first. Then, the hippo, the hamsters, the zebra, the panda, the monkey, the hippo. The cycle keeps repeating itself -.- And i also had to deal with the colour of the shirt! At one pt, i almost decided not to buy anything and Karmen was itched to buy 2 shirts for herself. I think she almost died when the guy (one of the shop owners) brought out a new design, or when he showed me new colours of a particular shirt. I tell you, my eyes were shinning so brightly the whole time looking at those animals. Can you believe it? I only fell for the animals out of every thing! And i was laughing and laughing when i realise i can't decide! Karmen was like sighing or smth, and the guy owner was smiling and smiling. Lol. Everyone's so patient with me.

I bet inside they want to strangle me. In the end, i got the shirt that had the zebra printed on the front. The zebra looks like one Kindergarten kid's drawing. Lol, a bit kiddish ah. Initially i didn't like it but i think it looks cute now, hahaha.

Last Thursday, I shopped with Jos at Hang Ten. I took a super long time too. Heh. Methinks i need to attend a time management workshop and a How to Decide Fast one too :X Well, moral of the story, if you're not patient enough, DON'T SHOP WITH ME :(

Haha, i think Wei Chea won't be able to stand me. Shiying also. Lol.

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Edited:

Today's career talk on Entrepreneurship was fun! I'm so glad i went against the rules and got to the talk on being an Entrepreneur rather than the talk on Jewellery and Design. Wuahaha, i'm so naughty. Anw, the room was quite empty but it was filled with laughter soon. Hehe. The lecturer was HILARIOUS! He was acting so humble and all. Lol.

Like, "Eh, do you think i wanted to come here to give this talk?"

Us: Ye-

Lecturer: No right! Come on luh. If i'm not a good presenter, i'm sorry luh. Actually they (referring to the principal or whatever) asked us the last minute so we had last min preparation.

But that! That was an engaging session! He was so good with the audience! He made me laugh that i almost became mad. I even had tears in my eyes! HAHAHA. I wanna sit for that talk again :(

Okok, then he continued.
Lecturer: You think i dare to come? I am chicken. But no choice.

Us: HAHAHAHAHA. Chicken. (He's super funny omg. He said that with a straight face. Power, yo. I won't be able to do that. Lol.)

Lecturer: I got Master's but my Principal has PhD so he's the boss over me luh. He tell me to come here so i must come. Or else i'll lose my job luh.

LOL.

He was also saying how he can't be too open with us, only with his students that he alr is comfortable with bcuz if he says a wrong thing...
Lecturer: If the teachers know, they'll complain to the principal, and your principal would complain to my principal luh.

I was thr laughing discreetly but yea, couldn't hold it well enough hahahahaha.

These are the funny parts. They're more but you shld've been thereeee. It was so amusing! Hahaha. Don't worry. I did learn smth abt entrepreneurship too. I didn't go thr just for laughs. Haha~

♥ loves.

8:48 PM

I was reading some blogshop owner's personal journal ytd just to pass the time, and i chanced upon some interesting facts! SLEEPING POSITIONS. What does it say abt your personality?

Haha, guess what? T and i were just talking abt our sleeping positions ytd! So coincidental!

I went to Yahoo it :P
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The most common sleeping positions (and corresponding personality) identified were:

Foetus Position (41%) Curled up on your side, holding the pillow. The most popular sleeping position. The personality of these sleepers tends to be shy and sensitive, though they may present a tough exterior to the world.

Log Position/Wanker (15%) On your side with legs outstretched and arms at your sides. Indicates a social, easygoing personality.

Yearner Position (13%) Similar to the log, but with arms outstretched. Said to indicate a suspicious and cynical personality.

Soldier Position (8%) Flat on your back with arms at your sides. Indicates a quiet and reserved personality who sets high standards.

Freefall Position (7%) Flat on your stomach with arms at the head or ears. Indicates a brash and gregarious exterior who may inwardly be nervous and sensitive to criticism.

Starfish Position (5%) Lying on your back with arms and legs outstretched. Indicates a good listener who makes friends easily, but prefers not to be the center of attention.

Professor Idzikowski went on to say that the freefall position aided digestion, while the starfish and soldier sleeping positions were more likely to lead to snoring and an overall bad nights' sleep. But it may be as difficult to change as your personality itself; fewer than five percent of people slept in a different sleeping position every night.

Source: http://hotels.about.com/cs/travelerstools/a/sleep_positions.htm

Pretty cool, huh.

I sometimes sleep with the starfish position. Eh, 4/5 starfish, cuz i'll hv one of my hands on my tummy, haha. But usually, the Foetus position, the most common one. Normally when i sleep, i might kick or put my leg over ppl's faces so...quite dangerous. That was when i was younger. Now...i'm not so sure, lol.

Last yr's church camp, Michelle was sleeping beside me. The next morning, she woke up complaining i went uber close to her and she freaked out HAHAHA. She complained that she had no space and thus, she didn't hv enough slp. xD, so so sorrie. Hehheh. I do scare ppl! And that wasn't the first time. I always go very close to the person lying closest me.

Another instance. Sec 3 camp. I rolled so near Angel/Esther (can't rmb). I somehow felt awkward, so i opened my eyes. I GOT A SHOCK OF MY LIFE. Lolz. Like, suddenly one face appearing right in front of you hahaha. T said maybe i needn't smth to warm me, lol. Could be...cuz i can wake up finding my pillow beneath my legs, and my blanket on the floor. And when ppl aren't so lucky, i might take their blankets unknowingly just cuz i lost mine. Muhahahaha! ><'' If you're wondering, T sleeps like a log. Not sure if he's a Wanker, tho. By log, i mean he sleeps without much movement, haha. I was like wahh. so orderly... i'm just the opposite haha. He agreed. yes loh..........like practIsing kung fu. Lol, i duno why but i found that funny!

Ytd, another best night of my life. Hee.
I wish i was that happy every day!

PS. Shiying loves me wuahahahaha. I'll support you all the way! Jiayou!

♥ loves.

9:02 PM

My close frens are growing further away from me...

One got a boyfriend alr.
One has a girlfriend alr.
One doesn't come online and we don't hv classes tgt!
One sticks like glue to my another friend
One migrated to another country. We send mails but i miss him calling me just to talk :(
One also in another country but is poor [so no $ for internet or CyberCafe], and is concentrating on exams
One also in another country and is packed with technical jobs.
One has to teach music, prolly having a large project, and has tuition.
One doesn't talk :(

and now?

...

One's here with me now, and is making my day again. Hehe.
We're catching up with one another now, but he's too busy with more assignments and work, sooo no time for me this yr :(

It feels ohsogood telling him how i feel, since he feels the same way.

Well, people hv their own lives to live. They change too. So what can i say?
GO LIVE IT.

-- CoNvO --

T says:
cheer up luh.......... send u a handsome guy

LOL! He sent me this:

(his name's Daniel)

i can only wish says:
-.-
i can only wish says:
who's Daniel? LOl
i can only wish says:
complexion so good... perfect nose bridge.. act cooL.... just makes me jealous

Then he chuckled.

i can only wish says:
you keep pictures of GUYS??!
T says:
scary rite
T says:
no lah hhaha

HAHAHA. FUNNEH.
It's his fren who sent that pic to him, haha
And his fren is one cute guy (:

-- --

He was rly chirpy today and it nvr felt so good seeing his smile.
One of my best nights ever *smiles brightly*

Gonna laugh more. HAHAHA. Ciao ♥

♥ loves.

10:05 PM

ROFL. This is way too cute! Aw.
(click to enlarge)

Righto... I had Chinese paper 2 today. Didn't hv time to complete all the qns cuz i took too long for the close passage. I tried analysing it real carefully but i just don't know which of the 4 options to choose! It's so irritating! Gah. When the teachers were collecting the papers, i saw the answers of other ppl's comprehension from far. Some were like 1 or 2 sentences only for each qn, while the rest were zooper long?! Hmph. I'm afraid if O lvl Chinese would be...er...not how i want it to turn out :(

I hope that i can do well in MCQ Science(Phy/Chem) tmr. My Physics tutor said i was doing well...just that sometimes, i can do the tough nuts of the paper but throw the giveaway marks. Ugh.

Today's one of the many lonely days...

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♥ loves.

4:59 PM

I was saying how scared i was if the fingers on my right would grow longer than the ones on my left since i played the piano with my right hand only.

You must be wondering Weird? Why not both, eh?
It's bcuz...I just CAN'T play with my left hand. Can't stretch and coordinate. Haha.

Mmhmm. Some fren of my parents gave my fam. a keyboard a few days ago (:(:(: Actually 2 keyboards but we gave the other one away. I was so eggcited abt the whole thing, i got carried away and played it the entire day. Lollol. I think i was driving my neighbours mad. Probably up till now, since i'm still exploring the beauty of blackwhite musiccc. For now, i can play A Whole New World, Waltzing Matilda and a bit of Happy Birthday! Hahahahaha. The piano is super duper cool. Wei Chea said he might even teach me for free one day (he teaches music!).

And this was what he said to calm me down...

Wei Chea says:
since how old u using ur right hand to write ?

Wei Chea says:
and y didn't c ur right hand bigger then ur left ?

i can only wish says:
it becomes STRONGER

Wei Chea says:
no.. i always use my right hand to write but my left hand stronger

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Lol. He rly made my day on Sunday. Lobby too, hee.

Psst. I'm gonna change my blogskin :P

♥ loves.

10:25 PM

Went to catch CYBORG-GIRL with Shiying on Wednesday, and it was quite a thrill. I was predicting what might happen next, hhaha. The graphics were pretty cool but too cool until it becomes disgusting sometimes bcuz it looks so real. Lol. And i promise myself not to bring Nachos in the theatre anymore cuz I CAN'T EAT.

Thr was this girl who sat by myself in the middle of the row in front of us. Thr was no one else in front of her somemore. Soo poor thing :( Then i rushed to tuition in a dress (?!) bcuz i thought tuition started at 5 but it began at 4. I didn't miss a lot, tho.

The next day, Shiying and i went to Far East and PS to shop. She bought 2 plaited skirts which were great but EX.? EX. EX!, while i didn't manage to buy anything. Later her mother went to PS to shop with her, so i got left alone! Bleah. Ohyea, we PLANNED to do some revision, howeverrrrrr due to snfkljdakfjal i did a few qns on Chem and she didn't do anything -.-

Today, i had study grp with Jos, Jos' cousin, Jia Qiang and Leroy. My brunch was at some soup outlet...called er...the soup place? Eh no. The soup......... i can't rmb... it's just smth soup smth (: Be glad i didn't rmb cuz if i write the cafe's name here, their reputation would be RUINED. FOREVER (with a bit of exaggeration). I thought i loved mushroom soup, but after this round, i might hv a phobia of it. UGH. It tasted rly bad. It kinda looked like puke. Yes, i said it. P.u.k.e. or baby food, or all species and brands of mushrooms mashed up tgt. Ohyeaaa ohyeaaaaa it was THAT BAD.

Ok, possibly you guys hv different taste buds from us, so do visit. The plain bread which came with the soup was okay, while the peachy ice lemon tea was splendid. It was very sweet at first but if you keep drinking it, it is WONDERFUL, especially after having the soup (:

I shan't state the other details of my day out cuz i'm worn out alr, but i gotta gotta say smth. Do guys rly seriously care abt how "cool" they look instead of thinking abt their health? Lol. The 2 guys today, Leroy and Jia Qiang apparently preferred walking in the rain than standing under an umbrella. Leroy had his cool hoodie on and JQ had an umbrella but didn't want to use it. Then BRING FOR WHAT! Haha. And at the road, all the ladies were carrying an umbrella each, i noticed, while a man in his 60s maybe, didn't bring any.

Ok, i'm done. Hehe, i mentioned a lot of 'COOL's :P

I wish i'm not so blur, and become a bother.
If only i was more alert and more attentive, it'll be so much better

I wish i was less afraid, but have more confidence instead
So i wouldn't hesitate, or give up before i'm able to concentrate.

I wish i was more independent, not reliant
To bear others the trouble, and make myself a better person

I wish i was never late, always on the dot
So I wouldn't put people in a spot

I wish i didn't have the reason to hate,
That i could not only forgive but forget

I wish i could cherish more
my friends, my family and God who'd catch me whenever i fall

I wish i was stronger to protect the ones i love,
so i wouldn't see them suffer, but maybe bring them laughter

Edit: The place is called The Stock Pot...... -.-

♥ loves.