you're a mystery yourself

21 March, 2008

10:47 PM

"I made you laugh," A smile swept across my face, and i thought that was the least i could do for him; a thing which made me feel contented because he was happy. I didn't want to ask for more. To me, it was sufficient for me to live contentedly seeing him happy. But slowly, the curve of my lips took a downturn as i reflected on the thing he told me a few days ago. "but you said i didn't make you happy before..."

He turned to me in a composed manner, speaking calmly, but i could evidently see his eyes full of sad expression, his tone soft as he spoke words that i hoped i would never hear of again. At the point of time, i regretted i asked, because whatever that came out shot out at full force, tensing my heart as it bled inside.

"Don't be mistaken, it's only just this once." He looked away, heaving a sigh.

What? I was disappointed, at the same time, curious about what was going on. I remembered him being cheerful whenever i shared my day with him, or otherwise, or when we told silly jokes. Wasn't he happy just once?

"Really? I didn't made you happy at all?" I felt my throat hoarse and my voice shook, tears almost filling my eyes.

"I thought i was the one making you happy..." He shifted, meeting my gaze.

"Yes, but didn't i too?" I argued.

'No' was what i received from him, and i had nothing to say - actually a lot of things, many questions - just that i couldn't take any answer that would hurt me more. I didn't want to cry in front of him, so i refused to let my tears flow and i bit my lip hard. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain that was inflicted to my heart.

Then again, i was confused. I knew that he knew we brought each other joy. Why was he denying it? I could sense he wanted me to be happy, he always wanted it to be that way. He had been showering care on me, and i did the same. He assured me that he did not ever want to hurt me, yet he was doing it now.

Why?

♥ loves.